The Anti Bore

Locker Room Speeches: If I were the Canucks//Pens Coach

MEHN!!! Wake up and smell the daisies, cuz’ shitz just got real. We have just hopped onto the TITANIC and the Iceberg is 1 feet away. Mehn! There are no women and children, THERE’S NO ONE BUT YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU and…. yes even you Alberts… are you gonna abandon ship?!! OR ARE YOU GONNA GRAB A HAIL MARY PADDLE…

Let’s morph ourselves from BOYZ to MEN. I look at Phoenix, I look at Philly, I look at Preds and their UGLY jersey and I ask myself, “Y WE NO PLAY LIKE THAT?!” and I tell myself, because we CAN BE BETTER.

As my friend Mikey famously and emotionally plastered on my Facebook wall, “THEY NEED TO GO TO THE DOLLAR STORE AND BUY SOME BALLZ”…. And I say to that… WHUUUTTT????!!!!…. merde to you.

I disagree, we don’t need Ballz. Anyone can buy ballz…

BUT NOT EVERYONE CAN GROW AMAZEBALLS!!!! So MEHN! Let’s dig deep!!! Quit playing games with my heart!!!

There is no “I” in team…. BUT THERE’S AN “I” in PIE. I don’t care what kind of pie we’re going to come out as, but hells, there is an “I” in PIE, and YOU better start asking yourselves…. (Oi MayRay! STOP LOOKING AT DANIEL!!!)……. DEMAND from yourselves, “WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?!” (and then if we win, let’s have some pie after)

Even my sister has a saying about the “I”… there is no “I” in team but there’s an “I” in failure…. YOU decide what “I”.

Ok, SERIOUSLY…. I’ve seen CRAZIER things happen before. Look at *choke*… BOSTON…. or let’s just rewind a little more…. the Hawks were down 0-3 AND they almost slapped us out of Round 1. (Thankkk yooouuu, Burrows)

Ask yourselves, WHAT would Jesus do?… no wait, that doesn’t make sense… well, if I were Jesus I’d probably build Edler a better stick… but enough about miracles…

So Mehn, dig deep for amazeballs, focus on the “I”, and imagine a GIANT SHOVEL and let’s dig our way OUT OF THIS GONG SHOW!!!

CAPICHE?!!!! Now go win one. SKATE!! SKATE!! DRIVE!!! SCORE!!!

And we’ll figure out Game 4.

This entry was published on April 15, 2012 at 6:08 am and is filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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